High School Sucks
by Belle Hiver
Summary: A look at the characters in High School... Depression, Angst, Conformity, Sex, and... (ewww!) a School dance.


## High School Sucks

###### by Mel  
If I have to write a disclaimer, someone will get hurt.

  
    It was junior year, already. God how time flew. Everyone had changed, and if you weren't there to watch the progression, you'd never believe who we all used to be. I can still remember Elementary school, clear as if I was still there… Sorry, no flashback scene this time.   
  
    Helga walked briskly past me; staring forward with her expressionless facade covering anything she might have boiling inside of her. Some days I wish she'd so much as look at me. She used to be so full of energy, and passion, even if no one could see it and teased her relentlessly for being harsh. I think that's why she pulled away from everyone the way she did. She hardly speaks to anyone at school now, and rushes through the passing time when she used to talk to Phoebe or push kids around to get wherever she was going. Adolescence hasn't treated all of us so well, I suppose. Growing up is the worst thing kids have to go through nowadays. I watched her continue walking down the hallway and duck into a classroom, gripping her giant backpack a little tighter. She carried all of her books with her now, to cut back on time spent in the hallways.   
  
    I turned my head forward and continued walking to my next class, my eyes skipping over the countless faces in front of, beside me, and everywhere. High School was so fucking crowded; I hated that. I saw a few familiar faces, but none of them noticed me, just as they never did. I didn't really care; I was used to being a part of the scenery. I used to do the strangest things to get attention, though. So stupid I won't mention them. Sorry. I stood at the corner of a hallway, in the small space where the crowd didn't flow. Arnold was standing by his locker, in his usual outfit. He'd gone simpler since the days of olde, with a black tee-shirt, jeans and a sagging, worn flannel shirt that drooped from his shoulders. His hair was cut shorter now, and left loose like always. He was the picture of slacker perfection. He hadn't done much with himself since he was a kid, but I could tell that growing up had hit him hard as well. He was always kind of depressed with himself, more so after his grandma had passed away.   
  
    He and Gerald had gone their separate ways in Jr. High, when Gerald had decided he would focus all his energy on sports. They never had that big mutual "talk" that everyone imagines best friends having when they lose connections. They'd just got busy; distracted with their own lives. Gerald was still into sports heavily, especially baseball and football. Speaking of, Gerald just ran past, through the masses of people. He was at least a head taller than most of them, and had his football gear on. Must have been an afternoon practice or something. I saw Arnold purposely not pay attention to the uproar he'd caused, but turn to a couple other guys he'd met in Jr. High and kept acquaintances with. They were all into the music scene, and continually tried to form bands, that kept breaking up for one reason or another. Arnold never joined their attempts, for lack of talent with an instrument, or lack of interest generally.   
  
    I walked on, knowing that there was basically nothing left for me to see. On my way, I noticed Rhonda chattering up a storm with her huge circle of friends. I could hear their endless gossiping and giggling from the other end of the hall, surely. Rhonda hadn't changed much at all, not so strangely. She was the snob princess that everyone both disdained and dreamed about being. She had a new boyfriend every week or so, and only wore what would keep her at the top of the fashion charts. It disgusted me mostly, but the emptiness of it all intrigued me a little, admittedly. She had conformed Nadine into one of her princesses when she started "developing", as well, and Lila soon joined their ranks thereafter. It was kind of sad, really.   
  
    Turning into the computer lab, I eyed the seating situation and noticed the normal gang typing away heartily. Phoebe was there, along with Eugene and Isaac, your usual computer geek that Eugene had run into freshman year. Phoebe had grown like most people had expected her to, and changed little. She was a computer genius, and had a perfect GPA to boot. She was still very shy, and had very few friends; didn't date at all as far as I had known, and I know pretty much everything.   
  
    I took a seat next to her and logged into my personal account, then proceeded my daily rituals of internet surfing before the teacher arrived for class. I already knew everything the class was suppose to teach me, but I didn't really care. It was easy, and gave me a full hour of computer access along with my elective credit. Phoebe noticed and turned to greet me without relenting from her typing. That _still_ impresses me.   
  
  
"Good morning, Brainy!"   
"Hey."   
  
    I know, I'm such an articulate; I haven't changed much since I was a kid either. I still walk around in the background and watch people as they go about not watching me. I feel like a shadow sometimes. I should probably be really depressed that no one notices me, but I'm not. I've never really known how to feel bad about myself, which is kind of strange. I don't like it much because it makes it that much harder to relate with people that I'd like to, but I get by somehow. My academic life mimics the rest of my life, in that its not all that exciting, but I get good enough grades to pass. I've become somewhat of an internet junkie over the years, but I'm no geek like Eugene, or a genius like Phoebe. I'm right in the middle where I don't have to continually ask for help, but I'm not continually asked for help either.   
  
    Teenage life is pretty much as normal as it gets in High School around here. Everyone has their path, and they hate these walls that enclose around them for days on end, no matter their social status. C'est la vie, as they say.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
"Helga!" the teacher snapped rather loudly, causing the girl to look up, pulling her out of her reverie quickly. "Put your book away and pay attention, please," he instructed, turning back to the lesson as quickly as he'd turned off, leaving Helga very embarrassed and bored again. She looked up at the board and pretended to pay attention, thinking to herself instead.   
  
"Now things get a bit harder, so I recommend taking notes thus forth," Mr. Harrison told his students, as they groaned a bit and reached for their respective backpacks and notebooks. Helga pulled out her black spiral and again pretended to be following the lesson. Of course, in reality, she had begun writing out a poem that had come to her while she was thinking earlier.   
  
    She had long ago given up on Arnold ever harboring any feelings for her whatsoever, and she had learned to accept the fact. Or rather, she had learned to not dwell on the fact, and move on with whatever she had her attention pulled towards. Her family life hadn't been much of an improvement through the years, either. Bob had continued to do his moderate best with the business, while avoiding her and her mother whenever he bothered to come home. Miriam slipped in and out of depression more often than she did, sometimes not coming out of her room for days at a time. Helga had long since learned how to hold her own in the house, and become a functioning, independent individual, un-needing (or wanting) of that helping hand most clung to when left to fend on their own. Helga didn't know how to live otherwise.   
  
    The class bell rang, and in the background Helga could hear the hurried scramblings of all her classmates, trying to get out the door. She gathered her papers and book and shoved them all in her backpack, scurrying to the hall as quickly as she could to navigate through the familiar crowd to her next class. Looking down at her feet as she walked, Helga G. Pataki kept as silent and distant as she could from the barrage of students crowding around her.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
_Hey,   
Finished my assignment early so I thought I'd send ya an email. I'm kinda bored, but hell, what else would I be, its school :P Email me back if you're on!   
  
-Arnold_   
  
    He hit the send button and continued searching the 'net, still quite bored. Everything bored him lately, except talking to his friends in the chat rooms. That's all he seemed to do at home now, which he knew worried his grandpa. But screw them. He liked it, and so he was going to do it. All his other friends ever wanted to talk about were concerts and getting laid, anyway. Neither of which he had accomplished, due to lack of money, or lack of anyone ever being interested in him. He'd had a few encounters over the Internet, but they were as meaningless as he was to anyone he knew.   
  
    Someone tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned to see who had disturbed his thought process, to see Brianna. She was currently dating Nick, one of his friends.   
  
  
"Hey, Bri," he greeted.   
"Hi Arnold! Did you finish already?"   
"Yeah." Meaningless drivel, as most of their conversations were.   
"Cool! Are you coming to the dance next Friday?" Arnold grimaced internally. School functions.   
"I dunno. Maybe, if I get a date or something. In other words: No."   
"Oh, c'mon! I could set you up with someone." Blind dates; god, where does the torture end?   
"No thanks, Bri. Really."   
"No, really! I know this girl that never ever goes anywhere-"   
"Oh, that sounds like a fun evening."   
"Shut up! Anyways, she's really shy, but she's cool too. She writes this really awesome poetry, and she's okay to talk to and stuff. She's never ever dated before, and I felt kinda bad for her, so I told her I'd set her up with someone for the dance, ya know, just to be nice and shit. So will ya help me out? Please Arnold?" Arnold sighed heavily and turned back to his computer for a second to think.   
"Fine, fine. But don't expect it to go any further than that just because of this."   
"Oh, like, no way. She doesn't expect much either, so, like, don't worry."   
"Great. What's she look like at least? Is she hot?"   
"Ugh. I don't know, I guess. She's a little chunky, but not ugly or anything. Blonde hair, blue eyes, always wears unflattering sweaters and jeans."   
"Hm."   
"But anyways, cool! I'll tell her tonight. Thanks so much, Arnold, you're the best!"   
"Right."   
  
    He turned back his attention to the monitor and checked his email again, trying not to think of what he'd just done.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Outside of the school, the last bell could be heard ringing loudly, albeit a bit muffled. Seconds passed, and every door soon opened, letting out the flood of teenagers. Phoebe calmly strode into the courtyard outside of the front doors and scanned the parking lot for her ride. Had she forgotten again? Sighing, the scholar kept walking to the front curb and waited patiently for her mother to arrive.   
  
"Hey Bookworm," she heard behind her. She stood still, not moving or acknowledging that she'd heard their insult. Suddenly, something pelted her in the back, making her jump and yelp a little in surprise. She looked down to see what they had thrown at her. A banana, from someone's lunch, no doubt. Sighing, she continued to stare ahead and wait patiently for her mother to arrive and save her from the torment. She secretly yearned for her youth, before any of this had begun. Back then, she at least had Helga to stand up for her, although she rarely needed it. What _happened_ to everyone?   
  
"Hey man, that's NOT cool," she heard behind her. Curiously, she looked back to see who had spoken up. Some boy she'd never met before was scowling at the jock who'd teased her. She'd seen him in the hallways once or twice, but why was he sticking up for her now? A car horn sounded, startling her. She turned about face to see her mother's car pull up in the lot, and then began walking towards it, leaving the scene to be forgotten.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Helga sat down in the back of the bus and stared out the window, keeping to herself as always. No one sat beside her except when the bus was full up, which was very rare. She watched everything outside that little window, as if she were viewing another world from the confines of a spacecraft or whatnot. She watched the people walking down the streets, and the buildings that passed by, just as they did for years. Every step, and brick, and windowsill hadn't changed, aside from wearing from the abuse of weather and age. She sighed softly and looked up to the sky, her eyes dancing among the clouds above. The sky was beautiful that afternoon. The sun shone brightly against the clouds, which let only certain shimmering rays through to the ground.   
  
The bus jerked to a stop and Helga once again came back to reality, looking down to see how close she was to her stop. "Next one," she told herself, while grabbing the signal cord above her head routinely. Before she realized it, the bus stopped again, and she stood, collecting her bag and loose books, quickly jumping off the bus. As she set her feet on the ground, she listened as the bus sped off, hurrying to make its rounds once again. Helga began to walk the block to her house, not wanting really at all to find herself at home, but having nowhere else to go.   
  
    "Guess that comes with having no friends," she thought to herself, sadly. It wasn't that bad at home; a lot of people had it much worse, that's for sure. She sometimes felt guilty about how depressed she was because of a situation most kids would die for. Her parents never meddled in her schoolwork, or her private life. Her sister wasn't a bitch or anything, and none of them hit her or abused her in any real way. "They just neglect me." She sighed and walked up the stoop to her house, continuing to stare at the ground.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    A loud whistle sounded across the field, and the synchronized players jumped into the correct positions. Again, and they all rushed into each other. The sound of helmets and pads knocking against each other was clearly heard as the players made contact with one another. The whistle again, and they all collected themselves calmly, standing non-chalantly in a group.   
  
"Good practice, hit the showers!" the couch bellowed. The players made some form of acknowledged grunt/yell and marched towards the boys' locker room. One of the cheerleaders ran up to the group and grabbed Gerald by the shirt, pulling him aside as his teammates began teasing him.   
  
"Hey baby," she greeted him, flashing her trademark seductive smile.   
"Hey, yourself," he smiled back in his own charming way.   
"We still on for tonight? My parents are going to be away at some meeting, and…"   
"Of course, baby!" he smirked at her.   
"Goodie!" she smiled again, then leaned up and kissed him on the cheek and pranced away to talk with her friends.   
"Damn, Gerald, you lucky son of a bitch!" one of his friends yelled at him.   
"No shit, dude," they both laughed and continued on to the locker room to shower up and head home.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Helga threw her backpack on the floor of her bedroom and sat down at her computer, logging onto the Internet and opening all of her usual chat clients, along with something to write down what she'd written that day at school. Suddenly, an Instant Message window popped up, signaling her attention with the proper 'Bing!' She focused on the small window and smiled a little. Brianna, you are so very dead.   
  
  
**JadedAngel666:** Hey grrl! I got ya a date to the dance and stuff   
**BrokenWings628:** you didn't. do I want to know who?   
**JadedAngel666:** u'll like him. He's one of Nick's buddies…. kinda antisocial, but nice!   
**BrokenWings628:** if this is some cruel joke, you know I'm going to kill you   
**JadedAngel666:** lol yeah, I know. Don't worry, grrl! u'll have a nice time, and then if u don't like him or nothin, its kool. never have to speak to him again.   
**BrokenWings628:** well, that's a comfort. I still think this is just a waste of time and money, but eh. I always have to learn my lessons the hard way. :)   
**JadedAngel666:** LOL! yep!   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Arnold threw himself on his bed and stared up into the glass ceiling that encased his room. Why did he feel so safe in his room, tucked away from the entire world? He closed his eyes and stared mentally up into the clouds, the sunlight dancing on and around his face. So warm… He smiled, and opened his eyes, just as a piece of debris, probably fallen from an airplane flying overhead, descended towards him. The glass from his protective ceiling shattered as the heavy metal crashed through it, sending large shards into every surface of the room, splattering blood over the objects surrounding him as they dug deep into his flesh and tore his skin away from the tissue beneath.   
  
    Arnold opened his eyes and looked up through the clear as crystal glass ceiling, out into the soft white clouds above him. It was such a nice day out, today…   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Gerald sat casually on the couch, acting his usual cool as Rebekka walked in view from the kitchen with a few surprises. In her hands were two wine glasses and a bottle she had stashed away from her parents' collection, and she had stripped down to her satin form-fitting bra and panties.   
  
  
"Damn, girl…" Gerald smirked, letting his eyes compliment her physique. She giggled and closed the gap between them, climbing onto the couch beside him.   
"Treat?" she offered, holding up the bottle of wine. He thought for a second and looked at the bottle, then down at her chest, laughing a little before pouncing on top of her playfully, making her giggle a little louder. "Damnit, baby, you have a one track mind."   
"You're the only track my mind wants to run on, girl," he told her, smiling. Her face softened and she smiled back at him, dropping the glasses and bottle on the carpet and wrapping her arms around him quickly, kissing him.   
"Aw, you're the sweetest, Gerald!" she cooed after pulling away. He smirked and kissed her again passionately, pushing her back onto the couch. She giggled and wrapped her arms around him a little tighter.   
  
    Gerald began kissing down her neck and around her shoulders, listening to her whimper and giggle approvingly. He pulled her up enough to slide his hand underneath her, gliding his fingers softly along her spine, up to her bra, and began unhooking it with a bit of difficulty. She smirked and reached behind, unworking the clasp with skill only a woman has. He smirked down at her and thanked her with another passionate kiss, pulling her bra away quickly and cupping her breast firmly. She gasped a little and pulled him down closer to her, shoving her tongue deep into his mouth, grabbing at his shirt and pulling on it. Taking the hint, he sat up enough to shed his shirt, as she plunged her hands down to his pants and began undoing them, making him groan as her hands worked against his crotch.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    The days had slipped by as usual, each mimicking the one before it. Change was too slow for the day-to-day routine to notice its presence. Phoebe strode through the school's hallway as she did every lunch period, choosing to spend it alone in one of the empty classrooms rather than in the noisy cafeteria where the other children were. She laughed shortly to herself. They're not quite children anymore, are they? No matter how infantile a few of them may present themselves. The week had come and nearly gone already, she mused, staring down the cold, lifeless hallway. Usually teens would be littered throughout the school during this hour, but not today, save for one or two couples who had gone to find a place to make out.   
  
    Phoebe looked in the small windows of the classrooms, searching for an empty one. Stopping every so often to glance inside, she continued her trek down the hall. Every classroom had one or two students inside, finishing some project or carrying out a punishment. Sighing, she looked inside the last classroom's window, and saw a red headed girl sitting by herself, scribbling into a notebook and eating what looked like gummi bears out of a brown paper bag. She wondered if she would be intruding…   
  
    The girl looked up at her and smiled a little, standing and moving to open the door for her.   
"Hey! Phoebe, right?"   
"Um, yes… how did you know my name?"   
"You're the best student in this entire school! You're always getting those awards at the assemblies and stuff. Hi, my name is Kate."   
"Hello, Kate," Phoebe greeted her, smiling. Kate smiled back and stepped aside to let her in the room. "I must say, I'm a bit surprised. I didn't think anyone paid attention to anything I did!"   
"No way! It really figures, ya know. Someone so smart and confident gets stomped on and made to think that no one is seeing them."   
"Yes, I guess it does…"   
"That's life for ya! So what brings you to the halls this fine lunch period?"   
"Oh, nothing... The cafeteria is always so full… I just prefer to sit by myself and read most of the time, that's all."   
"Yeah, same here. That and the kids make fun of me, so the further I get from them, the better. School is just so overbearing sometimes like that, ya know? I mean, weren't these assholes suppose to start doing that behind our backs like civilized Neanderthals by now?" Phoebe giggled a little, then caught herself and blushed.   
"You have quite a… different prospective on the teenage society."   
"It comes with the cynicism, which ironically enough, came from being around these cretins my entire life. Its one of those vicious cycles you only hope ends once you're thrown into a real spectrum of people, only to find you've been kidding yourself all along and location and age never really do change people." Phoebe smiled at her. She was so… different from anyone she'd spoken to before.   
"Is that what you really believe?"   
"No, but it's a nice theory to fall back on when I can't find my head from my ass in a few years." She smiled back at Phoebe and lifted her lunch bag. "Care for a gummi bear?"   
"Thank you!" No one had ever been this nice to her before… Well, except – she blocked the thought from her mind and pushed it to the back, smiling at Kate and taking a couple gummies from her bag. "I don't have anything to share with you, though…"   
"Sure ya do. Tell me something about yourself."   
"Um, well, okay… what do you want to know?"   
"Anything you want to tell me."   
  
    Phoebe looked down at the gummi bears in her hand and thought for a moment or two.   
"I… I don't know exactly what to tell you about myself, I'm sorry," she apologized quickly. She really wasn't used to this whole socializing thing. No one had ever wanted to listen to her for the sake of listening to her before.   
"That's all right… um, do you have a boyfriend?"   
"Oh, no," she shook her head quickly. "I'm always so busy with homework and studying and my academics to have time for boys!" Kate looked at her and smiled a little, knowingly. Phoebe looked down at her hands and blushed to herself, wondering if she had convinced the girl what she couldn't convince herself of.   
"Hey, don't worry about it. I understand completely!"   
"You… you do?" Phoebe looked up to the girl across from her with a touch of awe in her eyes. Did she really know?   
"Yeah. You know, I just realized that I've never seen you up close before. You're kind of pretty when you aren't blurred from 20 feet up and 50 feet away." Kate smiled at her sweetly, and Phoebe smiled back, blushing a little.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Arnold tapped on the keyboard in front of him randomly, his head resting against his propped up hand, once again bored out of his skull. A small beep erupted from the speakers and he sat up a little straighter, pulling the mouse down and clicking on the email icon to see who had written him.   
  
_hey dude   
bri says she hooked u up with some chick for the dance. kool. u might get sum yet LOL! pat says hes bringin the van so if you need somewhere to "hide" its kool. he put a mattress in the back, just in case lol seeya 2nite man   
nick_   
  
    Such wonderful, caring friends. Arnold sighed and deleted the message, wondering whom Brianna had gone and set him up with. Why didn't he ask for her name? God, how much more dense could he be? He sighed a little heavier and propped his head up again, once again bored, and tried to distract himself from thinking about pretty much anything. Thinking was bad.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Another long torturous school week over, and another long torturous weekend to go before starting the process all over again. Helga was sitting in her usual seat, staring into space and contemplating her actions for the day. Did she really _want_ to go to the dance tonight? What, exactly, would she be looking forward to if she did? Spending entirely too long deciding which sweater she owned made her look the least unattractive, dragging herself back to a place she'd just spent 7 long hours trying to avoid from the inside, spending another two or three hours listening to someone she didn't know ramble on about something she didn't care about, and then drag herself back home.   
  
    "And all for what?" she asked the feint reflection of herself in the glass. Getting no answer from it, she sighed again and continued to stare out the window and pretend she was about to enjoy her evening. She seemed to do a lot of pretending nowadays… "Helga, girl, why do you DO this to yourself?" she asked herself inside her head. "Just skip the dance, tell Brianna you didn't feel well and spend the night on the Internet like you always do, reading those trashy romance fanfics. It's the sensible thing to do – the RIGHT thing to do!" She sighed again and pulled herself away from the window, slouching in her seat and staring down at her hands, folded on her lap.   
  
  
"Hey, you okay?" She looked up suddenly and straightened her posture, clutching to her backpack.   
"Huh? Oh, um, yeah, I'm fine."   
"You looked as though something was eating away at your soul, Miss." Why, on all days, did someone have to notice her?   
"I'm fine, really," she told the stranger, faux smiling to make him stop talking to her.   
"All right, just tryin' to be nice." Nice, heh.   
"Thanks all the same," she said, reaching up and pulling the signal cord, before standing and making her way to the front of the bus to exit. "This isn't my stop, but who cares… I could use the exercise, couldn't I?" she thought, gripping onto the metal pole as the bus grinded to a jerky stop and the doors flung open.   
"Have a good day," the driver offered before she bounded down the steps and started walking towards her house.   
  
"Yeah, right," she scoffed to herself.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
**Ring**   
Jolting up to stare at the obtrusion from her Political Sciences book, Phoebe gasped and put a hand to her chest, attempting to calm her now racing heart.   
"Phone!" she heard her father yell in the distance. She sighed.   
**Ring**   
"Hello, Heyerdahl residence," she greeted curtly.   
"Phoebe?"   
"Speaking…"   
"Hi! It's Kate. I was being spontaneous and wondering off the top of my head if you'd like to go to the dance tonight? I'll pay your way, you don't have to dress up, and I'll throw in a glorious dinner at your choice of cheap burger joints, my treat. What'dya say?"   
"I… umm… wow, I don't know!"   
"C'mon, just say yes, make a girl happy. How can you say no to a pouty face like mine?" Phoebe giggled a little at Kate's… spunk.   
"Kate, I can't see your face!"   
"Oh, yeah. Umm… well, say yes anyway."   
"Well, let me ask permission… but… well, sure, I guess."   
"Great! Where do you live, I'll pick you up in a half hour?"   
"Hold for a moment, please," she said, setting down the phone and walking to the next room to ask permission, a little dumbfounded by the suddenness of everything.   
  
    Before she knew it, the school was close in sight from inside of Kate's small broken down car. Phoebe looked at the building, with the floodlights shining up towards it, glimmering against the trees and bushes littered around the edges.   
"Ethereal…"   
Phoebe turned to her new friend and smiled.   
"I was thinking the exact same thing," she told her. Kate laughed shortly and smiled back at her.   
"So now you're reading my mind, Miss Smarty-Pants? Do your talents ever cease?" Phoebe blushed and giggled to herself, looking back at the school.   
"You know, this is the first time I've been out past six without my parents for quite awhile."   
"I kinda figured as much. I'm glad you came, though; I would've been all by my lonesome and that's just no fun at these sorts of things. You just can't have fun inside those walls without someone there to lift you up."   
"I suppose not…"   
  
    Kate pulled into the nearest parking space she could find and jumped out quickly, eyeing her surroundings and taking in a breath of fresh air. Phoebe watched her and smiled bemusedly to herself as she calmly left her seat and closed the door behind her. Kate was such an animated person… so free and confident and… just… everything she wasn't! Phoebe smiled at her a little more and began her way to the front doors.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Gerald leaned back against the cold cement wall outside the gym door, taking in a breath of fresh air. Rebekka had insisted on gossiping with her "girls," so he took the much-wanted opportunity to get away from the stuffy atmosphere. He hated going to these cheesy dances, but Rebekka continually insisted on it, making up some lame excuse about her popularity depending on it or something.   
  
Chicks.   
  
    He couldn't really give a damn about her popularity, but he wasn't stupid; he knew how shallow she was, and exactly what would drive her away at any instance. Why he put up with it, he hadn't a clue. Looking sideways to the entranceway, he saw a horde of people trying to get in. What was it about these stupid dances that drove seemingly normal teenagers to them? WHAT?! Looking again at the crowd by the door, he remembered his girlfriend's reasoning and shook his head, sighing to himself.   
  
    Conformity. It was such utter bullshit, but it worked for all of those kids. And hadn't it worked for him, too? He couldn't exactly say that it had never touched his life. Look at his relationship for crying out loud! He wasn't himself around Rebekka. He was who Rebekka wanted him to be, because that's what kept her interested. Suddenly, she disgusted him. But, hell, that doesn't change circumstances, does it? He was a football player, and she was a cheerleader. They belonged together as much as Rhonda or Lila belonged with those chiseled foreign exchange students from third period.   
  
    He turned and watched the people file into the gym noisily; all chattering amongst themselves, avoiding contact with everyone around them except the people they had come with. Most of them he knew, from his class and the senior class, anyways. A few old familiar faces past him, and he smiled, remembering back to the times when none of the crap he put up with now existed. Back when the only things that mattered were homework, hanging out with his friends, and when the gang could gather at that vacant lot for a game of baseball. He remembered hanging out with Arnold in the park, or at recess – damn he missed recess – or in either of their room's.   
  
What had happened with Arnold anyway?   
  
    Looking a little closer in the crowd, he spotted another very familiar face. He smiled, remembering back when even romance was uncomplicated. Phoebe stood in line, giggling and smiling at the girl next to her. Had she come without a date? Maybe… no, he couldn't. Social status, after all. He'd never live it down if he tried to date the class valedictorian, after all. For a moment, he pondered telling society to fuck itself and go for it, but instead just stood against the wall while she quietly filed into the gymnasium. They just couldn't click anymore.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Pushing herself against the far corner of the gym, Helga sighed and wondered how much more force it would take to make herself seep into the cement and disappear from this nightmare they call a social function. Brianna stood as close to by her side as she could, while still watching the door for the boys to arrive. The loud music was really starting to bother her, but she continued to try and tune most of it out with the skill she had learned over the years of tuning her father out. She stared at the floor, focusing on the tiles underneath her shoes as she concentrated on keeping herself as far from nervous as she could.   
  
    "He's not going to like me," she thought to herself, "and furthermore, he's going to hate Brianna for setting him up with me, and making him waste five bucks just getting in the freaking door." She sighed heavily to herself and concentrated harder on turning her thoughts away from anything to do with the stranger she was to meet tonight. Why on god's fucking green earth did she agree to let Brianna set her up tonight? Why couldn't she just make up a lie about visiting relatives or just being generically busy? Everybody knows that saying you have nothing to do on a Friday night to a classmate is looking for trouble.   
  
"There they are!" She barely heard Brianna squeal before she felt her wrist being grabbed and drug to the front doors. She attempted to search for the guys in question, but quickly gave up after realizing she didn't even know whom Nick was, let alone have a chance of spotting his friends. Brianna let go of her wrist and wrapped herself around a guy with long hair and the usual 'skater' looking wardrobe. Helga glanced at the other boys that had accompanied him, and stopped dead.   
  
No.   
  
Brianna untangled herself from Nick and pointed from Arnold to Helga and back again in introductory form.   
"Helga, Arnold; Arnold, Helga!"   
  
Yes.   
  
"Brianna, your head is MINE," she thought quietly.   
  


~*~ 

  
  
"You're KIDDING me," he thought, staring at the form in front of him, who seemed to be in equal shock and bewilderment. Helga Pataki; THE Helga Pataki, was his blind date.   
  
"Um, hey. Long time no see," he attempted, holding out his hand. Without much change in emotion, she took his hand and shook it a little.   
"Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that."   
"Well!" Brianna was bursting with some sort of perky giddiness that sickened him to no end.   
"I'll leave you two to get better acquainted. Nick lets dance!" And with that, the couple was gone amidst the sea of teenagers. Arnold turned around and noticed that his other friends had dispersed as well, making fools of themselves in the eye of the storm of bodies. He turned back to Helga and laughed shortly, a little awkward.   
"Brianna's quite a character, isn't she?" She laughed a little and looked out at the crowd randomly.   
"Yeah, I guess." Dead end questions deserve dead end answers.   
"Look," he said quickly, "I'm not really the 'school dance' type, but if you want to stick around and talk or something, I will. Otherwise, we can go somewhere else or whatever."   
"Um, going somewhere outside of this room would be great. It's a little too warm for me to be wearing a sweater in here." He smiled a little and nodded.   
"Follow me," he instructed, leading her out to the hallway. It was empty, save for the crowd still coming in, which weren't as thick as they had been when she arrived.   
  
"So…"   
"Um, so…"   
"What do you wanna do?"   
"I don't care… you?"   
"I don't care either."   
Pat came in through the doors and ran up to Arnold.   
"DUDE! Van's in the lot, keg's at my place for afterwards." He shoved a set of keys in his chest. "Guard these with your life; you know how I am when I get in a crowd."   
"All right, man. Later."   
"Bye!" and Pat was gone inside of the gym.   
"Well, that was entertaining."   
"Heh. You should see him when he's stoned." Helga laughed a little, imagining the possibilities, then caught herself and clammed up. Criminey, this was going to be a long night.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Whatever beauty the outside of the school had held, the inside showed none of. The gym was muggy with the heat radiating from so many people dancing wildly to the loud music emanating from the loud speakers, which until then she had heard nothing but announcements from. Phoebe turned to Kate, her eyes brimming with the feeling of her out-of-place-ness.   
"Its so loud in here!"   
"I know; I wish they played some decent music! At this volume, the right kind of music would seriously kick ass, but this shit is a crime of nature and physics!"   
"Why are we here, then?"   
"To have FUN, of course!" Without letting her speak again, Kate grabbed her wrist and pulled her out into the crowd. People left and right bumped into her, and none of them seemed to care. Phoebe looked up at Kate for help, but saw her bumping right back into the crowd, and laughing about it. Was this fun? For once in her life, she didn't get it. Someone shoved into her again, knocking her out of her thoughts.   
"Oof!"   
"Sorry!" she heard, but before she could look around, she was getting bounced into another person. No one cared that it was her they were running into. Phoebe was even more confused than she had been coming into the building. Suddenly the music stopped, calming the crowd instantly. She looked over the masses in awe. How'd they do that? Another song came on with a different kind of tempo to it, and once again the crowd responded with the appropriate kind of thrashing and grinding.   
  
    Kate came up to her and grabbed her wrist to pull her to the wall for a sit-out.   
"I don't like hip hop much," she explained, smiling. "So did you have fun?"   
"It was quite exhilarating…" she tried to pawn off as a poor substitute of an answer. Kate didn't care, or notice, and laughed a little, nodding in agreement.   
"Wait about 45 minutes," she told her, staring out into the crowd, mesmerized like Phoebe had been only moments ago.   
"What happens then?"   
"Slow dances. They calm down the atmosphere before everyone has to leave. That's why some kids come to these stupid things." She pointed over to a few girls standing in a circle by themselves. "Hopeless romantics, wanting their prince or princess charming to grace the dance floor, sweep them off their feet, and hold them close during that soft sweet moment when the music takes them away to that place most only get to dream about." Phoebe stared at her, in awe once again, speechless. Turning to the circle of girls her friend was staring at, she let her expression soften.   
"Is that why you took me here?"   
"Perhaps. I've come to five or six of these things, at first hoping the same. But after awhile, I realized it was as hopeless as my fantasy, and started coming to them just to release the pent up tension inside of me."   
"Oh." She laughed suddenly to herself and ran a hand through her loose hair.   
"The only other way of doing that is playing with myself, but I prefer this a little more. Doesn't make you feel empty afterwards."   
  
    Phoebe's eyes widened a little and she tried to keep herself from reacting to what Kate had just said, but as the words rang through her mind, she couldn't help but imagine…   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Helga stared up to the sky as she and Arnold walked out of the building, not really speaking to each other still. The sky was pure black, as it had been nearly her entire life. She wished she could see the stars sparkle, as they had those few times her family had gone out camping. She smiled, remembering how she would sneak out of her father's huge RV and wander around on her own in the darkness. Sighing softly, she wondered if she could take another trip to the woods this coming summer, then gazed sideways towards Arnold and subconsciously added him to her picture.   
  
"Here's the van," he announced, breaking the heavy silence between them. Helga looked over at him and nodded a bit, not knowing what to say. Arnold grabbed the keys from his pocket and opened wide the back doors, then turned and offered her his hand to help her in.   
"Um, no need," she said quickly, jumping in and finding a spot on the mattress to sit, somewhere in one of the corners.   
"All right," he shrugged and hopped in after her, taking a seat on the other end of the mattress.   
  
    For a few moments, they simply sat there and stared down at the stained mattress beneath them.   
"So, how'd Brianna get you to agree on this thing?" Arnold finally piped up.   
"Um, I dunno. She just sort of told me to come, and it wasn't like the alternative was going to be any better or anything… so I just showed up. What about you?" Arnold chuckled a little and stared more intently at the mattress.   
"She told me that she had a friend who needed a date… and I dunno, I knew the guys were gonna be here."   
"Yeah."   
"So, uh, what've you been doing with yourself since grade school?"   
"Nothing much… just school, mostly."   
"Really?"   
"Yeah." She looked up; he was looking at her a little strangely. "Um, why?"   
"Dunno. That's a long time to be doing nothing but school shit, is all. You don't go out with your friends or whatever?" Helga looked down again. This was really going to be a fun evening.   
"I don't really have friends."   
"Oh… why not?"   
"I keep to myself a lot. Brianna only talks to me in class, and she's pretty much the only one who does. She likes my poetry or something. Says it's deep and profound and emotional and bullshit like that."   
"I see… How long have you been writing poetry?"   
"Umm… since about the third grade, I guess. Nothing special or earth-shattering…"   
"Wow." Arnold looked down, thoroughly impressed. How had he never known she wrote poetry for so long? "Damn, I wish I were good at something."   
"Heh. I wish I weren't good at something."   
"Why?"   
"Makes people like Brianna pay attention to you when you just want to be left alone." She looked up at the window at the black sky again and tugged at her shirtsleeve, feeling Arnold's eyes on her. God this was uncomfortable…   
"You know, its kinda funny. The last I remembered you, you were mean and loud so that no one could help but pay attention to you… now you don't want what little you get." She felt a twinge inside somewhere, and was angered a little by his words.   
"Yeah, well I was just a stupid, immature little kid back then. Things change." He sighed and bowed his head, letting her words roll through his mind.   
"Don't I know it." She looked up at him, her anger fading away to confusion as her brow knit.   
"What'd you mean by that?" Suddenly it was his turn to feel uncomfortable and small. He stared down at the mattress and wondered for a while if he should say anything. Glancing up, he saw her eyes aimed at him in what looked like concern. Seeing him notice, she quickly turned away, blushing a little.   
"Just that a bunch of things have changed…" he muttered, trying not to get into his personal life. She looked back at him slowly, her expression a soft sort of deadpan look.   
"Like what? Did you just go through a breakup or something?"   
"Um, no. I haven't really dated a lot, actually… I try not to focus on relationships much…"   
"Heh. You think you have it bad. This is technically my first date."   
"Woah. Really?"   
"Yeah." She smirked a little. "Figures it'd be with you. … Football-Head." He looked up at her and laughed, then took a deep breath and leaned back against the wall of the van.   
"Yeah, it would figure I guess."   
  
"So, what've you been up to since grade school?"   
"Random shit. Hang out with Pat and Nick and Jake; became an Internet junkie a few years ago; ummm… my grandma died when I was 14. That's about it, mostly."   
Helga frowned a little and played with her sleeve. "I'm sorry to hear about your grandma…"   
"S'okay… I'm over it."   
"I wish I had known when it happened… I would have sent my condolences or something."   
"Really, its all right. It was a long time ago, and I could have used less people trying to console me back then."   
"I understand."   
Arnold smiled a little. "I suppose you would."   
"How'd your grandpa take it?"   
"Pretty well, I guess. He gets upset sometimes, though. It's a lot quieter now, and I think it gets to him a little."   
"Uh huh…" Helga stared down at the floor and tried to imagine herself in that position. She sighed and looked up through the window again, and noticed a single star shining feintly. She smiled and closed her eyes, silently making a wish.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Gerald pushed his way through the crowd to lean against one of the walls. He took a deep breath, then wiped the sweat from his face and relaxed a little as the song played on. After a few moments, he scanned the crowd surrounding him, and in the corner of his eye he found Rebekka, at the other end of the wall he was up against. She was talking to another one of the football players. Gerald watched her intently, waiting to see what he knew was inevitable. He didn't have to wait long.   
  
    Rebekka leaned up and kissed him, obviously trying to lick the back of his throat. Gerald watched her, not sure of how he felt. He was supposed to be angry. Violent. Jealous, perhaps, but he wasn't. He watched as she leaned up against the guy's ear and whispered something to him. He nodded and soon the two were exiting the gym.   
  
    Gerald thought momentarily about following them, but decided against it and turned back to the dancing mob in the middle of the floor. He wondered if he shouldn't just leave. Surely no one would notice his absence; did anyone even notice his presence? Not even his girlfriend had.   
  
    Absent-mindedly, he scanned the crowd again, but shook his head after not finding who he had searched for, and kicked himself again for going back to those thoughts. Gerald walked back into the sea to drown his thoughts again, needing the distraction suddenly.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Kate glanced sideways at the girl standing beside her, smirking as she noticed the sweat slowly rolling down her forehead, and how her hair fell gently against her shoulder. She looked at her eyes behind the lenses framing them, watching how mesmerized she was by the atmosphere of the room she had spent years knowing in every use except this for. The awe in her expression. She smiled and let her gaze trail down the girl's form, then back up to the part she truly admired. Silently, she wondered if she had looked that beautiful the first time she had come to these things, and acted just as she was now. Phoebe glanced at her quickly, then back to the crowd, becoming shy suddenly. Kate giggled and looked out at the crowd again with her, wondering how the night would play itself out.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    The doors of the van swung open quickly, Pat and a girl starting to climb in, unaware of its inhabitants. Helga gasped shortly, surprised at first, then inherently awkward of the display, looking over at Arnold for a split second.   
  
"Dude!"   
Pat turned around quickly and smiled sheepishly.   
"Sorry, man… Didn't know you were usin' it."   
"We weren't," Arnold told him pointedly, glaring a little at his friend. Helga blushed, realizing what his friend had thought. Is that why he brought her out here? She looked down at the mattress below her and then up to Arnold, trying to sort out what exactly to feel.   
"Right, man, got'cha. So if you're done not usin' it, could we?"   
"Whatever." He turned to Helga and sighed, "you wanna go back to the dance or something?"   
"Um, no, I think I'll just walk home," she said quietly, getting up and crawling out quickly, trying to get herself out of the situation as fast as she could. Arnold quirked a brow and followed after her, confused.   
  
"Helga, hold up!"   
She turned around and faced him for a moment, her emotions still mixing inside her head. She didn't know what to think anymore, so she turned back around and continued walking. Arnold jogged up beside her and grabbed her elbow, which she jerked away quickly.   
"Don't TOUCH me!" she squealed, a little louder than she should have.   
"Sorry… I just wanted to know why you wanted to leave all of a sudden."   
"Like it really matters to you. Come off it, Arnold. I heard what your friend said, so stop trying to pretend like you really care."   
"WHAT?" Arnold was thoroughly confused now. Helga stopped again, her anger taking precedence as she stared him down, suddenly uncaring of who would stop to look at her.   
"Stop playing dumb! I'm not stupid, okay? Just because no one's touched me before does not make me some stupid inexperienced loser!"   
"Helga, what the hell are you talking about?"   
She stopped for a second and looked at him, trying to sort out whether he was acting or sincere. Tearing her eyes away, she continued walking. Nothing made sense anymore. Arnold sighed and walked with her.   
"I'm sorry about what Pat said. I thought we'd have the van all night to hang out in." Helga simply glared at the air in front of her. This was turning out great. "Helga, why the hell won't you tell me what you're so mad at?"   
"Oh please," she retorted.   
"Oh please WHAT?! Okay, maybe I'm just dense as all fuck, but I don't see why you should be mad!"   
She turned to him again, this time seeing the plea in his eyes, and became confused again.   
"You weren't trying to get me to sleep with you?"   
"WHAT?! NO!" Arnold suddenly got hit with a sack of bricks known as understanding. Helga turned bright red, feeling utterly stupid. Of course he wasn't. Who would want to sleep with her, of all people.   
"Oh," was all she muttered. Arnold saw her demeanor change considerably, and felt a pang of guilt for some reason.   
"What made you think I would force you into something like that?"   
Now she just wanted to hide. She stared at the ground, shrugging. Somehow, her voice decided to take a leave of absence.   
"Because I wouldn't, just so you know," he said, huffing a little as he continued, "That's probably why I'm still a virgin."   
Helga looked over at him, feeling the little bit of comfort she had in the van. "You are?"   
"Yeah."   
"Strange, I would have thought you'd have a different girlfriend ever week." Arnold had to laugh at that, then shook his head.   
"Nah. I've only dated maybe three girls my entire life. I guess that's partly why Brianna chose me to be set up."   
"Oh. Why?"   
"What'd ya mean?"   
Helga got a little embarrassed, and shrugged again. "I mean, you could probably have any girl you want. Its not like you're ugly or anything."   
Arnold glanced over at her and smiled a little. Was she trying to give him a compliment?   
"Thanks. I dunno, I guess I just haven't found anyone I can stand to be with. Everyone at school either won't talk to me or are boring beyond belief, or already have boyfriends. Why don't you date? You aren't exactly ugly, yourself." He smiled, watching her blush profusely, then turn her face just enough to hide it.   
"Because the universe thinks I am?"   
"Oh, of course. I must be dense, I couldn't even see THAT," he said, smirking a little, sarcasm rich. She didn't say anything, not sure how she should react to his words. "You're not ugly," he said, finalizing his opinion.   
"Right. NOW you're trying to get me into bed."   
"I am not!" he yelled defensively. "Why can't you take a compliment? Its not going to hurt you, and neither am I. Hell, you probably won't even speak to me come Monday. Why would I want to sleep with someone who's going to ignore me afterward?"   
"I don't know. You're a guy; isn't that what guys want? The most they can get with as little commitment as possible?"   
"Guys like Pat, maybe. I don't know about you, but I'd like to be in a relationship with someone someday, and sleep with them when I know they aren't going to run away from me within hours of doing so."   
"I doubt I'll ever sleep with anyone. I mean, I have a hard time exposing my arms and legs to people, let alone my entire body."   
"Maybe you just have to find someone who doesn't make you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes I think I'll stay a virgin for the rest of my life, too. The few times I've kissed or done anything with girls, it didn't appeal to me too terribly much, but it has to feel good with at least one person, doesn't it? I mean, everyone says that there's one right person out there for everyone… so that person must be who it feels right with, right?"   
  
Helga looked over at him, absorbing his words slowly, and nodded. "It's logical, I suppose."   
"I am a little cynical about it ever happening, though. Sometimes I imagine myself sitting by myself at 30 with a job I hate and no one but cats to keep me company."   
She giggled a little at that, for the first time since she'd left the school.   
"Me too."   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    The music had stopped for a moment, the DJ's voice shattering the then almost calm atmosphere.   
"This is the last dance of the night, so grab your special someone and make it last, kids!" How corny, Phoebe thought. She looked to Kate.   
"Do you want to leave now? Before the parking lot gets crowded? I mean, unless you wanted to ask someone to dance with you. I can wait here for you if that's what you wanted, or outside in the car if you want to be alone or-"   
Kate smirked and grabbed her wrist, pulling her far enough into the crowd to lose herself, then turned around and wrapped her arms around Phoebe's waist.   
"If you don't mind?" she asked.   
"Uh, I, um, no…"   
Kate smiled and started to sway with the crowd, leaning in a little closer. Phoebe instinctively slid her arms around Kate's neck, wondering who was watching her.   
"See how everyone sways together? It's like watching a field of wheat on a windy day. The rows of grain flowing together in waves of fluid motion, not really moving, but not standing still at the same time," she whispered into Phoebe's ear, as the girl rested her head on Kate's shoulder, watching the crowd as she spoke softly.   
"Yes," she whispered back. "Its beautiful."   
"Isn't it, though?" she whispered again, then kissed her neck gently, smiling. Phoebe smiled as well and closed her eyes, letting the music carry her.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Sighing to herself, Nadine looked from one friend to another, watching them pretend their dates knew what romance was. She sighed again and walked out to the hallway, not quite sure what she wanted to find. She wasn't quite sure why she fit in with Rhonda and her other friends. Sure, she wore the same clothes as they did, and she wore makeup, and she listened to the same music, but she wasn't really like them.   
  
    Stepping out of the gym and into the hallway, she surveyed her surroundings. There really wasn't much to do at the school dances besides dance; something none of her friends did until the last dance anyway, which she just wasn't up for this time. Spotting a familiar face along the wall, she smiled and trotted towards him.   
  
"What's Mr. Popularity Football player doing out in the hall all alone during the slow dance?"   
"Huh?" Gerald turned and saw Nadine, and smiled at her a little. "My date, um, sort of wandered off without me," he answered her, then added dejectedly, "with the line backer."   
"Oh, I'm sorry!"   
"Eh, its okay. She was just another girl." Nadine raised a brow at this.   
"What's that suppose to mean?"   
"She didn't care about me; she only wanted to be able to say she slept with me." Suddenly she felt kind of stupid. "Oh. Why'd you sleep with her if you knew she was going to just dump you and move on?"   
"I dunno. She's pretty, and she was nice." He shrugged.   
"I see."   
"How come you aren't out on the dance floor with Rhonda and Lila and Jenny and the rest of your friends?"   
"I didn't feel like it. Sometimes I wish people didn't associate me with them, ya know. Like, they're shallow, and all they care about is popularity, and whose conforming to this month's issue of Pretty Teen Miss, and sometimes I just wish I could push away and yell at them that life isn't just about makeup and boys and cars and clothes." Gerald smiled a little at her and nodded.   
"Yeah, I know what you're talkin' about. Sometimes I wonder if people can see me beyond 'Mr. Popularity Football Player'," he said, smirking a little as Nadine blushed.   
"Sorry…"   
"S'okay."   
"God, now I feel like such a hypocrite!"   
He laughed a little and shook his head. "Nah, don't. I was just making a point. Hey, the dance is practically over… you want to go get something to eat?"   
"I'd like that," Nadine said, smiling back.   
  
    The two left the school, talking into the night air back and forth, enjoying themselves.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
"You know, I've never told anyone most of the shit I told you tonight," Arnold said, breaking the momentary silence as the two teenagers contentedly walked along the dimly lit street.   
"Uh, okay… then why'd you tell me?"   
Arnold laughed a little. "I don't really know. I just did."   
"Oh. Well, if it makes you feel any less weirded out, so did I."   
"Oh?"   
"Yeah. I don't usually tell people anything. I guess since you were opening up to me, I just did the same."   
"Ah."   
"So, um, yeah. When you said you'd never felt right kissing whoever, did that, uh, you know, include me?"   
"What?"   
"Nevermind."   
"You mean when we were kids?"   
"Uh, no, just forget it," Helga said quickly, trying to look away again.   
"Honestly? I can't remember. Most of my memories have somehow repressed themselves. I guess its just one of those things. Forget the bad memories and the good in case they remind you of the bad ones, ya know?" Arnold was looking straight forward, staring into his own mind.   
"I guess."   
He turned to glance at her and quirked a brow. "Why, do you want to try again?"   
Helga blushed furiously and shook her head, staring down at the ground. "No! I was just curious, was all."   
  
    Arnold smiled at her and went back to his own thoughts, wondering if he could remember…   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    As the song slowly wound to a close, the masses that had so exuberantly crowded into the gym slowly exited it, on their way home or elsewhere to celebrate the two days of freedom before classes again. Phoebe and Kate filed out as the rest of the faceless student body had, and headed for Kate's beat up Mustang. As they walked quietly, Phoebe watched the ground, thinking of the speech she wanted to confront Kate with, while questioning its importance at the same time. Could she even speak these things to her? She had been so nice to her, and shown her so many things in the span of a few hours that no one had been able to do in years.   
  
"You look troubled, mon petite chou."   
Phoebe smiled a little at her perceptiveness and sighed, shaking her head. "No, I…" she paused for a moment, then, "Kate, are you gay?"   
The red head smirked a little and leaned her head back, pondering how to answer.   
"No, I'm not gay. I guess you could call me Bi, but I don't like to focus so much on sexuality. It doesn't define who a person is any more than what color their eyes are or how tall a person is," she stated, looking down at her friend. "Are you gay?"   
"I… no, I don't think so. Or I didn't think so."   
"Ah, the smell of confusion is adrift in the breeze," she commented, smiling comfortingly at her friend. "Talk to me."   
"What?"   
"Talk to me. You've been debating every little thing inside your head tonight. Say them aloud now, and pretend I'm not here. Speak to the wind. It listens and understands all, you know."   
  
"I…" Phoebe sighed deeply and closed her eyes, knowing Kate wouldn't let her get out of this. "Okay. Well…" she started, trying to think of where to start, or where to go once she had started. For a few moments, she mapped out the things she figured Kate had wanted to hear from her, and switched into her storytelling mode, as if she were reciting a report for any of her classes.   
  
    "When I was younger, I didn't have many friends, and all I knew about romance and love and those sorts of things were from the books that my mother sometimes bought and hid in her room. The only people I really got close to were my parents, and my friend Helga.   
  
    "She and I were best friends until the 7th grade, when we drifted apart, and we didn't really have other friends besides each other and the usual acquaintances. But she was relentlessly fawning over a boy she harbored feelings for, and continually denying it to everyone. She never spoke about him to me, except when she insulted him. Sometimes it really tore me apart inside, because she was the only person that I had ever let get close to me, and yet, she never confided in me about anything, and she never wanted to hear the same from me. I never knew what to think when it came to Helga. I mean, there were times when I just wanted to give up, and never speak to her again, and then she would turn around and do something so unselfish and wonderful, that it hurt to think I had considered something so cruel, such as that.   
  
    "Anyways…" she said, shifting gears, "when I was about ten, I had trained myself to just not expect the kind of attention or care that Helga had always wanted to shower her crush with, so I had never put the possibility of being in a relationship with anyone to mind… especially at that young an age. But, one night, during a festival Helga had asked me to join her to, I found myself in the company of a boy from our class. Ironically, he was the best friend of Helga's crush. We talked a little bit, and, well, he walked me home. I can remember how the lights from the Ferris wheel reflected against his face, and the moment I realized he was staring at me, with that smile… he just made me feel… special. Good.   
  
    "I guess from then on I was attracted to him in the same way Helga had been for her crush. It seemed like a dream, and I fantasized endlessly about how he would give me my first kiss, and double dating with Helga and Arnold all throughout High School… Hell, once I went so far as to dream about a double ceremony wedding! I was infatuated with the concept of having someone to love and love me, and also getting to share it all with the one person I had looked up to like a sister. Like more than a sister.   
  
    "But, by Jr. High, he became busier and busier with after school activities and sports, and we didn't share any classes, sp we eventually stopped speaking to each other. It was so gradual I wasn't even aware it had happened until I noticed him one day, holding another girl's hand while on my way to the girl's bathroom between classes. I had lost Helga when she had closed herself off to everyone, by then, and seeing him with her gave me the overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Something I hadn't been since I was seven," she recounted, no longer thinking about the words she was speaking.   
  
    "The following week I buried myself in schoolwork, and even begged some teachers for extra credit assignments, so that I wouldn't have a minute of time to stop and think about the wound inside me. It worked for a little while, but one night the emptiness was too much. I cried all night long, and only stopped when the sun rose and I had to make myself presentable for my peers again.   
  
    "I began giving myself projects to excel at after a few nights like that. Things to distract my thoughts from the loneliness. Whenever I wasn't busy with schoolwork, I was teaching myself everything I could about the computer my parents had given me the Christmas before last, which I had only used as a research tool beforehand. By sophomore year, the other kids that hung out in the computer lab at school began referring to me as a computer genius, and came to me for help. It gave me an exhilaratingly good feeling to be wanted – needed like that. I was still quite alone, though, and as asexual as they come. I didn't let anyone near me in particular, and no one suspected I was alone because I had learned to deal with it years ago, and acted as if I were content around my classmates, and teachers, my parents; everyone…"   
  
    Kate hesitated for a moment, waiting for more to come, then smiled and clapped softly, leaning against the car they now stood by. The sudden sound pulled Phoebe's attention to the girl beside her, and she blushed, realizing all that she had just let out. How had she… WHY had she…? It all began to sink in, making her stomach turn in fear, a million things rushing through her head about what she would now think of her.   
"I have no idea why I just told you all of that. I shouldn't have… I think I had better go home," she spoke quickly, turning to walk away from the parking lot, fighting the tears she felt inside. Kate ran to her side and grabbed her arm, pulling her back against herself. Phoebe squealed a little and tried to jerk away, panicking a little.   
"What would you say if I told you you're the most beautiful person I've ever met?"   
Phoebe jerked a little harder, needing escape. "Let me go!" she cried, the tears flowing over finally. Kate held on tighter, knowing that a few of the kids who hadn't left yet were looking straight at them, but caring less than she ever had.   
"I won't!" she cried back, pulling the crying form tighter against her body. Phoebe gave up, knowing she wasn't strong enough to struggle free, and continued crying, her legs giving way underneath her.   
  
    Kate pulled her up and hugged her, comforting the now sobbing girl in her arms. After a few moments, she composed herself enough to speak.   
"You're lying."   
Confused, Kate pulled back enough to look down at her. "What?"   
"I'd say you're lying," she repeated, refusing to make eye contact, tears still flowing down her cheeks, staining Kate's shirt.   
"No, I'm not," she reassured her. "Come on, walk with me to the car and I'll buy you something to eat."   
"I just want to go home."   
Kate nodded and sighed. "I'll take you there, then."   
  
  
Phoebe sniffed and wiped her eyes, letting Kate pull her to her feet and walk her to the passenger side of her car.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Arnold glanced around, wondering how near they were to Helga's house. It had been so long since he walked there, the journey had become completely foreign to him. Helga glanced at the buildings to her left, watching the architecture pass by, enjoying the slower pace than she was used to from inside the bus. It had been forever since she had really seen her neighborhood from outside the thick protective glass. They were getting closer to her house, but silently she wished they had blocks to go.   
  
"Uh, how far is your house again?" Arnold asked, breaking the sweet silence.   
"Just a couple blocks. You can go if you want to, I didn't ask you to walk me home or anything. Its not like you have to be a gentlemen or whatever, after all. Its just me," she answered, cold and expressionless.   
He shrugged, not stopping or slowing in response. Helga kicked herself internally, wondering what his actions had meant. She was usually so good at reading people, so why was this so hard?   
"Um, did you have to be home early or something? Cause if not, we could walk around the block or something. I don't feel like going home yet," he said finally, glancing sideways at her, not wanting to tear his gaze from the ground, but wanting to see her reaction just as much.   
"No, I don't have to be home early… I could walk in the door tomorrow at noon and I can imagine how little of a reaction I would get," she scoffed, half knowing it probably wasn't true, but more than willing to argue that it was.   
"That's kinda fucked up," was all he said.   
"Welcome to my world."   
Arnold smiled at her a little and stopped to cross the intersection they had just come upon.   
Helga stopped behind him, wondering to herself where he was leading her.   
  
    After another ten minutes or so of silence, Helga looked up to find herself strolling down one of the pathways amongst the park. She smiled a little, memories of the times she had had here when she was younger dancing through her mind.   
"God, I haven't been here for YEARS," she said, mostly to herself.   
"How come?" asked her companion. She shrugged, brushing off his question.   
"I dunno."   
"I like to come down here and think sometimes, all by myself. There aren't a lot of people around when it gets late like this, and sometimes it just makes me feel better."   
"Maybe I should try it sometime."   
"Maybe."   
"If it makes you feel better to come here alone, then how come you brought me?"   
"I dunno," he confessed. "I guess I just didn't wanna be alone tonight. And, I dunno, I can talk to you. I like being able to just sit and talk like this, and I haven't found anyone I can do that with for years," he explained, looking up at her. "It's like you understand, so it's easier to say things…"   
Helga flushed a little and tried to hide a smile, tearing her eyes away from his. "I guess I know what you're talking about… its sort of the same on my end. I mean, I don't know why, but I've said a lot of things tonight that I would have never had the courage to just blurt out in front of anyone else."   
Arnold smiled a little at her and slowed his pace a bit, turning onto the path that would take them over the pond. "I'd really like to do this again sometime…"   
"I, uh, yeah, me too."   
"I mean, not like a date or anything… just talking. Maybe walk through the park again like this…"   
"Yeah," she whispered, looking ahead at the path laid out in front of her. Silence enveloped them again, this time unwelcome. Arnold tried to think of something that would keep a conversation for a little while longer, but couldn't.   
"How about tomorrow?" Helga asked suddenly.   
He smiled. "Tomorrow would be great," he replied, slowing to a stop at the top of the bridge over the pond. "We could meet here, and find somewhere to just sit and talk or whatever."   
"Yeah… that sounds nice."   
"Yeah."   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    Phoebe had stopped crying by the time Kate had pulled up to her front door. Still feeling uncomfortable, she wondered if just leaving like this was right anymore. She turned to face Kate for the first time since they'd left school grounds.   
  
"I'm sorry," she started, then saw Kate bring her hand up to silence her.   
"No, it was my fault for forcing you to do something like that. I'm sorry."   
"No! Kate, you weren't doing anything wrong at all! I was just so weak with my own insecurities that I tried to escape retribution before knowing what you'd think of me. I just hope you're not mad at me for the spectacle I made… people were staring at us like we were crazy! I'm sure we'll hear about it in class on Monday…" she trailed off, already fretting over what torments she'd receive once she returned to school.   
"Hey, don't worry about what the other kids think. They're too busy worrying about their own problems to really care about what happened. If they mention it at all, it'll only be for their own egotistical pleasures, and not because they care that it happened."   
"But –" she began.   
"But nothing! You did nothing wrong, Phoebe. I just want to know one thing before you step out of this car. Well, three things, really."   
"What?"   
"Did you have fun tonight; Do you believe what I said earlier; and will you still talk to me tomorrow?"   
She smiled in spite of herself. "Yes," she answered.   
Kate smiled back and let out a little squeal, lunging herself in the direction of the passenger's seat and hugging her friend tightly. Phoebe giggled and hugged back, closing her eyes and enjoying the moment. Kate pulled back a little and kissed her quickly, smiling wider. She opened her now-wide eyes and looked over at her friend, surprised. Thinking for a second to herself, she smiled again and leaned over, kissing her back softly.   
  


~*~*~ 

  
  
    I trudged up the small stairway towards the front door of every teenager's nightmare, lugging my heavy backpack with a little difficulty. Fucking sadistic teachers. Inside the building, everything was exactly as it had been for those 3 long years I'd found myself stuck here. Just another day in the ordinary High School existence. I looked around, trying to find the parade of usual faces among the crowded hallways. Gerald was sitting on the floor near the auditorium, talking with Nadine and eating what looked like a VERY healthy breakfast of cold pizza and soda.   
  
    I walked the short distance to my locker, and was nearly run over by Helga, quickly heading to her first period class, as usual. She didn't pay attention to me, but kept on walking towards her destination, unphased as always. I looked across the line of lockers and noticed Phoebe chatting with a girl I'd never met before, probably being sought out for her computer skills again, or maybe help on math homework. Everyone always flocked to Phoebe when they needed help with anything school-related. It was her gift, I suppose. I shoved the appropriate books into my locker and slammed it shut, twisting the dial unnecessarily. Everyone knew I had nothing to steal in there, unless you'd lost your textbook and were looking for a replacement, of course.   
  
    Walking up to the two girls, I waited patiently for either of them to notice me. After a few minutes, I gave up and left, a bit confused. Phoebe ALWAYS noticed me. She was the only who did. Oh well. I continued on my way through the hallway, looking around for anyone I knew. Passing the hallway where Arnold's locker stood, I found my discreet corner and leaned against it, watching as he approached the metal beat. He took out his science book and closed his locker as his friends approached him. He turned around to talk with them for a bit, and I went on my way to the computer lab. I may watch people, but I don't eavesdrop. It's rude.   
  
    As I sat down at my usual computer, I waved to Eugene, who had set down next to it before I'd arrived, as per usual. He waved back.   
  
"Hi Brainy," he greeted me.   
"Hey," I greeted back.   
"How was your weekend?"   
"Usual."   
"Cool. Mine was great! Isaac and I went to the aquarium again, and we met this really cool guy that told us about his trips out at sea!" he told me, quite excited. Eugene's enthusiasm always astounded me. How could he always be so optimistic and… perky? Ugh.   
"Cool."   
"But the weekend's over so I guess everything's back to normal, huh?"   
"Yeah… guess so."   
  
    Yep, everything was exactly how it had been, and would be.   
  


### THE END


End file.
